Worst. Dream car. Ever.

I realize by the end of this post, the jig will be up, you’ll finally realize (if you haven’t already) what a strange guy I am.

The other day, I was driving somewhere (probably the grocery store, our home away from home) with my wife and the villagers. At a stop light, my wife, Jordana, looks over and says, “Hey, remember when that was your dream car?” I didn’t even have to look to know which car she was referencing.

Back in my late teens, I practically fantasized about having a particular car. I wanted it in a seafoam blue (but I’d allow seafoam green as well), with a convertible top. I just knew if that car could be mine, it would be the pinnacle of everything awesome.

My dream car was…a Chrysler Sebring. Worst. Dream car. Ever.

Yep.

Not an Astin Martin, not a Maserati, not even a Mercedes or BMW…a CHRYSLER.

Now, maybe someone out there is thinking, “What’s wrong with a Chrysler Sebring?! I have a Chrysler Sebring. Is he hating on my car?!”

No…I’m not. Actually, I’d like to share what my desire for a Chrysler said about me:

I was lazy.

You see, I wanted a Sebring because I knew it would be fairly easy to attain. I could work for a bit, just enough to get approved for a loan, have enough to make monthly payments and then I’d be set. Barely have to break a sweat. If my dream car was anything more luxurious than a Chrysler, I’d have to work a lot harder and longer to get it, and that just wasn’t interesting to me at all.

We all have dreams, and sometimes when we dream about our hopes and desires, if they get too crazy, it might scare us, so we reel them in a bit.

My dream about a Chrysler was attainable.

It was safe.

I knew the possibility of failure was relatively low if I stuck with it. Because who wants to fail, right?

Over the years, I’ve struggled a lot with laziness, and it’ll always show up in my dreams dreams first. How do I know? It’s pretty simple, really. If my dream doesn’t require much sacrifice or risk on my part, there’s a good chance it’s lazy. If my dream can accomodate my selfishness, there’s a good chance it’s a lazy dream. If my dream can be accomplished right where I am in life, there’s a good chance it’s a lazy dream. Our dreams should stretch us, require us to break bad habits, and try new things. They might even be scary sometimes, because we never end up in the same place we started from.

The most important thing is that we should NEVER compare our dreams to someone else’s. Something born in you can’t be born in anyone else. 

I never got a Chrysler Sebring. Mostly because we had so many kids so fast, we skipped right to the minivan (or swagger wagon). And that’s ok. My dreams look very different now, and some of them are requiring me to work hard than I’ve ever worked in my life. Some days I don’t want to do the work, but then I remember what could happen if I do, and I keep going.

All my dreams might not work out…there’s certainly risk involved.

But, I know I’ll be a better man, husband and father in the end because in this process, I’m learning how to be faithful to the very end, no matter what it looks like.

And that’s worth everything to me.

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Have you ever had a lazy dream?

Too good to be true

“Wow, Matt…that sounds amazing, but it also sounds too good to be true.”

Anyone ever said that to you before?

I’ve heard it a few times over the past month as my organization, SafeWorld seeks to finalize some major plans for 2012. Reality is, it’s the biggest venture we’ve ever embarked on, and I believe will be a game-changer.

Closer to the end of the year, we’ll begin revealing what’s next, so stay tuned, but that’s not what this post is about.

I’ve had lots of “too good to be true” moments in my life. They’re painful…even debilitating depending on when they hit the fan.

“Too good to be true” (or TGTBT) moments happen when our imaginations hijack our logic, lock it in the back room of our minds and keep it there just long enough for us to make an ill-advised decision.

Now, I’m not giving imagination a bad rap…imagination is one of the most vital parts of us.

But imagination is simply evidence of all the hard work we do in our heads. Hustle, sweat, tears, late nights, callouses…those are the evidences of all the hard work we’re doing in real life.

There’s a chasmic difference between the two, bridged by focus.

In correspondence to his younger brother, Mark Twain wrote: “The bane of Americans is overwork–and the ruin of any work is a divided interest. Concentrate-concentrate. One thing at a time.”

Imagination is your biggest fan, and also the biggest exaggerator of your abilities and progress, so while it must be protected, it must also be kept in check. (Just as imagination is there to keep our logic in check, and make sure we’re not giving into resistance.)

TGTBT situations have caused me to fall flat on my face and overlook the needs of my wife and children before. Not because I didn’t care, but because I leapt before it was time to leap…I over promised and under-delivered…I didn’t seek wisdom from people who knew more than I did (or I ignored the wisdom they gave)…

You’ve been given a gift that people desperately need, and your imagination is there to help you kill dragons, keep your ability to dream alive, and protect child-like faith. Imagination births excitement and anticipation…I’ve never heard anyone’s heart race as they logically thought about a process…it doesn’t happen.

The best part of hearing that phrase, “Wow, Matt…that sounds amazing, but it also sounds too good to be true”, is that I get to respond with this:

“No, it’s not…I’ve worked too hard…I’ve spent too much time making sure all the loose ends are tied up…the details are in place…and we’re all on the same page for it to be too good to be true.”

Red flags get raised for me when I ask someone about their plans, then they point to their heads and say something like, “Oh, don’t worry…I’ve got it all up here.” That’s nice…but I’m 100% convinced it’ll look different as it translates from “up there” to real life…and that’s ok, just be ready, and don’t give up.

As you push forward with your plans, just make sure the work being done in your head is also being done in real life. Trust me, if it’s a dream worth doing…it’s worth the hustle it takes to do well.

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“The function of the imagination is not to make strange things settled, so much as to make settled things strange.” // GK Chesterton

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Have you ever had a job, opportunity or relationship that ended up being too good to be true?

I’ve created a monster

So my wife has been in Haiti for nearly a week and I’ve been holding down the fort with our five villagers (8 and under) at home.

In the midst of being completely starved of any adult conversation, I received a text message from her today that didn’t surprise me a bit, but also launched one phrase into the orbit of my mind:

“I’ve created a monster.”

One of the highest priorities my organization, SafeWorld, has right now is maternal health…which is a critical area of need, and I wager it has significant effects on every other major humanitarian issue. But, that’s a topic for another day…

Jordana’s text message simply said she wants to be a midwife.

As I said, I wasn’t surprised. We’ve talked about it at great length, all of our children have been born at home (including one I actually delivered because our midwife was late…you’ll read about that next week), and she’s always loved everything about pregnancy / labor / delivery. (Weirdo).

And, I sent her down to interact with some friends in Haiti who are running an amazing maternity center. Brilliant. Now I suppose she’ll want to bring her dream to life…to…help people.

We’ll jokingly say things like “I’ve created a monster” when we know we’ve played a role in awakening something in someone else.

Typically we use that line to mask our annoyance. But for me, it’s begun to mean something different. I almost feel like Colin Clive yelling “It’s alive!” in the 1931 version of Frankenstein.

It’s good to be alive…it’s good to help bring things to life, especially the passions and dreams of someone you love greatly.

While we’re alive is the only time we have to turn passions into tangibility.

I don’t know about you, but I always give myself plenty of freedom to chase dreams, fully expecting my family to tag along for the ride.

My wife, Jordana, has been consistently faithful, supportive, and encouraging…even when my pursuit hits a wall and we must change direction. But for some reason, when she lights the fuse of one of her dreams, I get nervous…I mean…if she sees this through, it could really affect me (which is code for “I may have to give something up and I don’t want to, so she should probably hold off for a while”).

It’s scary when you hear things like, “I think I’d like to go back to school” … “What do you think about adoption?” … “What if we sold everything and moved to a different country?”

Each of us is designed with longings that, if nurtured, will change this earth. So, when your spouse, friend, family member, comes to you with those expectant eyes: don’t ever ever suffocate their desires.

Few things are as convicting or gut-wrenching as watching the light go out because you assassinated someone’s yearning. I say this because it’s happened to me, and I’ve done it to Jordana before. I’ve seen the light go out…but now it’s back…and this time, I’m ready.

Be a listener…be a question asker…give them room to fail…but never be a dream killer.

Hold the door for them as they step out…be a red carpet unraveler (new word?), then cheer the loudest as you walk the road with them. You aren’t in charge of the timeframe of their dream, but you have huge impact on the quality of its life. Their dream might even look completely different in the end than it sounded in the beginning, but they need to know that you will not.

And yes, it will cramp your world a bit. It might even change everything.

Remember, you are your spouse’s first community. Their safe haven is with you, and together your refuge is in Christ. 

Frederick Buechner says, “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”

The world has a deep hunger for something that makes someone else deeply glad…and they need you to help bring it to life. Even if you aren’t married, you still play a vital role for those in your community.

Our window in the grand timeline is short. Don’t put it off any longer.

I’ve decided I like creating monsters…especially the ones that will change the world.

——————

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” // Ephesians 2:10

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Have you ever suffocated a dream of your spouse or someone else?

Saying “my smokin’ hot wife” is SO typical

Don’t be typical.

Well that sounds simple enough. Problem solved, right? Fantastic. See you guys tomorrow.

No.

Fighting off the demons of typical is one of the most challenging life-hurdles any of us will ever face.

Why?

Because our societies/churches/businesses/schools work very hard to teach us how to live normally. To not rock the boat. To be a good citizen.

What actually ends up happening is some twisted version of the film, Pleasantville, where everything looked great on the outside, but was complete turmoil underneath.

If I had a dime for every time I heard guys in ministry publicly announce they have a “smokin’ hot wife”, I’d be independently wealthy. (By the way…personal preference…can we PLEASE let that meme die? Anyone?)

If I had a penny for every couple that pretended everything was ok when it really wasn’t, I’d be even wealthier.

Pretending is part of being typical.

I spoke to a group of people yesterday about my work and organization, and when I was finished a man came up and told me: “I’ve never seen a 30 year old with as much drive as you have.”

At first I was tempted to give myself a Ron Burgundy-style leaping high-five, but then it hit me: I thought I was running behind…do people really wait until later to become driven?

Is it really a rule that we must wait until it feels like we’re running out of time to finally be who we were called to be? To finally fight for that job? Take that trip? Be a great spouse? Have kids? (I’ll be doing a whole post on kids sometime…)

In Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird, there are a group of religious folk who look down on the character, Miss Maudie, for working so hard on her garden…to which she responds: “There are just some kind of men who – who’re so busy worrying about the next world they’ve never learned to live in this one, and you can look down the street and see the results.”

The cross of Christ isn’t freedom to be average. If we really believe in the bigness of our God, then we should all be practitioners of the impossible, not enablers of the typical.

By the way, I’m preaching to the choir…these words are as much for me as anyone else.

Have you wronged someone and need to make it right? Call them! Don’t leave it hanging over you or them any longer.

Bring your spouse and kids into the living room for a mandatory family meeting and have a dance party instead. Don’t have a family yet? Call up a bunch of friends!

When was the last time you organized a day of romance for your husband…wife…boyfriend…girlfriend?

When was the last time you did something out of your routine?

When was the last time you actually gave air-time to your dreams?

When was the last time you went downtown and hung out with some street-walkers and asked them about their lives?

Jesus came to give us LIFE! Real life…abundant life…not typical life or pretend life.

When you start to feel the weight of all that must be done, remember your strength is limited but your Creator’s is not.

Don’t be afraid…because that’s typical.