So today is our 10th wedding anniversary

 

The moments of our wedding day seem so far away now. 

How young we were…felt…acted…

All the names of faces of our family and friends who gathered to celebrate…

Who cried the most…

How our wedding photos were a disaster…

The fact that we didn’t even get to eat anything at our reception…

How we didn’t even care…because we were married! (Although I’m pretty sure we had NO idea what that meant at the time.)

—–

Even further away are the earlier chapters of our story.

Meeting each other when we were 10 and 11 after an Easter Play…

Becoming best (if not at times, awkward) friends…

Trying to date for two weeks and then crashing and burning…

The time she told me she would never marry me…(because I was an idiot)

The time she told me she’d love to marry me…(because I finally stopped being an idiot)

—–

But right in front of us at all times are the chapters of our story right now.

Six children (ranging from 9 to 2-weeks old)

Laying in bed with someone every night who hates the status quo as much as I do…

Navigating some of the darkest days of marriage…and coming through stronger…

Struggles…doubts…hopes…

Gripping each other’s hands tightly as we walked down the hospital hallway after sending our special-needs son to brain surgery…

The secret plans…quiet joys…maddening moments…knowing looks…

And amidst the always higher piles of laundry, toy-littered rooms, and seemingly surmountable daily family needs…there she is…here we are…together.

—–

It’s funny…we don’t even have anything planned for today. Not a special dinner or sexy getaway (we do have a 2-week-old after all)…we’ll have to save some extra time for later.

Today we’ll just live life.

It’ll probably be crazy, silly and a bit messy.

So I’ll probably make reservations for two on our back porch tonight. For margaritas by firelight.

Because sometimes when things are a bit more complicated than usual, it’s better to aim for simple.

And if I’ve learned anything in ten years, it’s that what I want more than anything…is simply her.

Happy anniversary, Jordana…I’m so grateful that you’re my lady and I’m your guy.

—–

You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride;
    you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes // Song of Solomon 4.9

 

We had a baby last night…

Happy Wednesday, everyone! So…I’ve decided I’m going to take the day off from the blog because our newest villager arrived early this morning!

I’m thrilled to introduce you to Rhys Tilden Miller Chambers!

But it’s just a joke…

Around the dinner table at our home the other evening, an epidemic of silly knock-knock jokes broke out. Pretty much everyone in the family joined in.

We told classic ones like:

Knock-knock

Who’s there?

Boo

Boo who?

Aww, why are you so sad?

*laughter*

Then, there were several like this:

Knock-knock

Who’s there?

Keys

Keys who?

Keys ice cream.

*awkward silence*

*laughter*

It was so much fun watching the look of joy spread across our children’s faces when they realized they’d successfully make everyone around the table laugh. Most of the jokes didn’t even make sense. They didn’t have to. We were just having a great time as a family. In fact, I can’t wait until it happens again.

But, during that very same joke session, as I was rolling through my mental rolodex of childhood jokes, I began recalling all sorts I heard growing up that were so ugly, embarrassing, and humiliating.

Some of you may not have gone through the primary school joking phase, but I did.

And at times the jokes I participated in quite were cruel. And the majority of them were with the kids in my church youth group.

We had “put down jokes”, where the idea was to make yourself look awesome by verbally obliterating someone else. (Usually the weakest kid in the group.)

We had the typical “your mom” jokes, where you basically see how many horrible things you could say about someone else’s mother. (Usually the mother of the weakest kid in the group.)

We had “you’re so fat” jokes and “you’re so poor” jokes and “you’re so ugly” jokes. (Usually about the weakest kid in the group.)

In fact, this particular phase just happened to hit when I was a chubby, pre-pubescent, thick-glasses wearing preacher’s kid who would have given anything for people to stop thinking I was my mother when I answered the phone.

I was an easy target. So, to make myself less of a target, I began to practice the art of words.

No matter what they said to me or about me, I’d come back with something far more humiliating. I’d collect everyone’s payments of high fives, then that night at home I’d cry at how hurt I was, and how much I hated my stupid body…my stupid hair…my stupid glasses…my stupid life…

On the surface, everything seemed so innocent. “They’re just jokes!” we’d say.

But when you really break it down, here are the ingredients of a joke:

Words.

Intentions.

Results.

If the results aren’t what you wanted, you keep trying until you get there.

As I get older, somewhere inside I’ve begun to realize that what I claimed were
jokes weren’t actually jokes at all. Reality is, I was trying to hurt someone else with my words. To elevate myself. To keep them from making fun of me. And then I’d find a way to justify what I said.

The same happens today, doesn’t it?

…In arguments with our spouses…

…In how men speak publicly about women…(sometimes I wonder if some men realize there’s more to a woman than her “ass” or “tits”…or lack thereof)…

…In how we discuss leaders…their families…their decisions…

There’s seems to have been a spike in public flippancy with words recently.

Personalities making jokes about a public figure’s handicapped child. (This really pisses me off.)

Just a few days ago, a hugely popular conservative radio host called young woman a “slut” and “prostitute” because of her political views.

Prominent pastors are frequently making unwise statements on live television or from their widely visible pulpits, which their faithful then repeat as gospel.

News flash: it’s not now, and never will be gospel. The gospel looks like Jesus, and using words that destroy never looks like Jesus.

In Matthew 12, Jesus gives us quite the sobering thought when it comes to our words: “I tell you, on the day of judgement people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Woah.

I love the gift of words. Language is beautiful and life-giving. But it’s also very easily used as a murder weapon.

When I was a little boy, we used to sing a song that said, “Be careful little mouth what you say…”

This needs to be wallpapered in every corner of our hearts and minds.

This isn’t about whether you cuss or not. This isn’t about whether you should make strong points or not.

This is about making sure that before a phrase is released from our mouths, that we know for sure our words will bring peace, life, and healing.

—–

“Words realize nothing, verify nothing to you, unless you have suffered in your own person the thing which the words try to describe.” // Mark Twain

Family FAQ: Why we live in a 1,300 square foot house

I’ve read a lot about having a life mission statement, a family mission statement, etc.

Lately though, I’ve felt a more pressing need for me as a person and us as a family is to write an FAQ (frequently asked questions). I often find myself struggling with decisions, and trying to sift through the what’s/why’s/how’s/when’s of major moments and this is a way to face down who I am and who we are.

My ultimate hope is that it will reinforce the areas we are doing right and well, and shed light on areas that need tweaking.

An FAQ is a simple but effective way to make sure you know who you are and can explain it well to the people who ask.

So, here we go…

——————–

Chambers Family FAQ: Question 1

——————–

Sometime in May of this year, our sixth child will arrive. We’re naming him Rhys, and each day we get more excited/nervous/expectant…and at times overwhelmed.

Who wouldn’t? Six kids?!

I’ve come to loathe the periodic backhanded question, “You know how that happens right?”

Yes. Yes, I do. Jerk.

Anywho.

But one of the biggest questions people have when they get to know us a little bit is this:

“So, you’re going to have six kids, and you live in a 1,300 square foot house?! How does that work?”

Sometimes it’s quickly followed by, “Are you crazy?”

Full disclosure: where we live now isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it’s frustrating. Sometimes it feels cramped. We have to be really creative with space (an attribute we’re still on a major learning curve with.)

It really does feel crazy sometimes.

But…

For this season, we believe we’re in the house we’re supposed to be in. All three bedrooms, one bathroom of it.

You see, last year, we finished paying off the final amounts on what started out as around $30,000 in debt. On a missionary salary. (Missionary salary = not much to begin with…missionary salary with lots of kids = less.)

That’s right. No more credit cards, no more debt for Christmas, vacation, no car payments. It’s incredible. The only payment we make now is for our mortgage.

We attempted several times to move over the past 18 months.

To Nashville…then it fell through.

To an amazing house in our town…then it fell through.

To ANOTHER amazing house in our town…then it fell through.

That was really painful and frustrating. We begged God to open something, anything up for us. But sometime over the past few months, something changed in us. While we were constantly looking for something better, we had neglected the home we did have. We were discontent. It made every day so stressful.

The constant wondering of, “When is something going to work out? Why is this happening?”

So, we simply came a decision: we weren’t going to look anymore. We were going to stop fighting and be content. Even if people thought it was stupid. Even if we looked crazy. Now we’re on a mission to create a beautiful home to welcome new baby Rhys into the world. He doesn’t need to be born into a home of discontent.

I want Chambers baby six to be born into a family that isn’t always looking for what’s next or better, but instead a family who is at peace with and grateful for right now.

In Romans 13.8, Paul absolutely nails it when he says, “Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.”

Do we still want a larger house someday? You bet your sweet whirlpool tub we do. (Or sweet claw foot tub if you ask my wife.)

But today, we live in the one we have, and we desire to live there well.

I don’t want any more debt we can’t afford, be it financial or relational.

We’re surrounded by plenty of friends who have lots of things we’d love to have, but that’s their story, this is ours.

May we tell an incredible story with the way we live, especially in the seasons when not everything is as we wish it to be.

—–

“Nothing is yet in its true form.” // CS Lewis

—–

What do you think about the idea of a personal or family FAQ?

One of the most important things we don’t have

The whole Chambers Village crew!

I’m not exactly sure how it happened.

Perhaps it was gradual…like slowly bringing water to boil.

All I know is that one day, we realized we were different.

Really different.

Strange even.

Weird.

Not normal.

When my wife, Jordana was expecting our twins a couple years ago, we were teetering on the possibility of early labor, and I remember telling our family doctor and his wife (who are friends of ours) that sometimes I wish we could just fit into a category…even for a little while. They told me later they couldn’t believe those words had come out of my mouth.

Maybe you understand what I’m talking about.

Somehow, our family doesn’t ever seem to fit…no matter where we go or what we do.

In fact, at times the judgement of people who don’t like the how/what/why/where’s of our life is so brutal, it can throw us off for weeks. (These experiences literally drain the life out of everything.) Afterwards people usually try to explain that they “mean well”, but to us it simply comes across as “mean”.

I don’t share that for your pity, this is the life we’re called to. We don’t know how to do anything else. We recognize how nuts we must look, but abandoning this would be abandoning who we were created to be.

Don’t get me wrong, in the midst of the journey we’ve screwed up a lot…skinned our knees and busted our noses along the roads of this life many times. This isn’t about us needing to be held higher than anyone else…there are moments when we’ve barely figured out the next step before it’s time to go.

But, one thing I’m 100% certain of heading into 2012 is this: we need community.

For me to be who I’m called to be as man, non-profit director, husband and father…I need community.

For my marriage to weather dark days and shine as long as we both shall live…we need community.

For Jordana and I to be able to love and parent our children (or villagers as we’ve come to call them) as the precious gifts they are…we need community.

For us to be who we’re called to be as a family…we need community.

So often people throw opinions at us like hunting spears, thinking we’ll receive them like a bouquet of roses, but the challenge for 99% of them is they’re not in community with us.

We might attend church together, or know each other from around town, but if you want to be able to speak into our lives…we need to trust you…know that we are safe with you…that you know our hearts and we know yours.

It’s a two-way street. We’re called to pour ourselves into others the way we need them to pour into us.

Spurring each other on…encouraging each other…

Bearing burdens (none of us will ever run out of burdens to share)…

Rejoicing…mourning…fighting…praying…pressing on…

Together.

A solid community has been a challenge for our family for many years now, and I think it’s partly to do with two reasons:

1. It’s difficult for some to comfortably embrace our family (5 kids…humanitarians…gluten free…special needs child…we’re complicated…)
2. We shy away when people get too close (after you’ve been burned a few times, this becomes a habitual response)

But my heart for 2012 is for us reconnect with community again. We need it like a desert needs water. And so do you…and so do the people around you.

Will you commit with me to seek community for yourself and your family (if you have one?)

Will you commit with me to being community for someone else? I promise there are people near you like us who would give anything to be in community with you.

You may never know the life-restoring impact you’ve had…but my gut feeling is, if you pour yourself into someone else, the life-restoring impact will be unmistakable.

Community is never easy, but it’s a huge part of us becoming who God has designed us to be. So let’s give ourselves to each other and see the life God creates our of our vulnerability.

——

“Community is first of all a quality of the heart. It grows from the spiritual knowledge that we are alive not for ourselves but for one another. Community is the fruit of our capacity to make the interests of others more important than our own. The question, therefore, is not “How can we make community?” but “How can we develop and nurture giving hearts?” // Henri Nouwen

——

How do you live in community? I’d love to read your thoughts…

And a massive THANK YOU to those who walk with us on this crazy journey…