I snuck out to see the worst movie ever…

Remember back in high school / secondary school when you were convinced you had been gifted with flawless, untouchable intellect, and your parents were simply there to cheer you on in all your successful endeavors?

Disaster.

So, I had planned with some friends to sneak out and go see a new movie we’d been waiting to see for months. Opening night arrived, and we pulled it off. So much anticipation, we just knew it was going to be the greatest movie of all time.

It was terrible.

We’d made so many coordinated, late-night phone calls in the corner of the back yard (or as far as the cordless phone could reach) to scheme about how we’d pull of our movie adventure. Suddenly it all seemed so stupid.

What was the movie, you ask?

City of Angels…starring…wait for it…Nicholas Cage. 

Seriously? Who the heck sneaks out to see a NICHOLAS CAGE flick? Worst. Idea.Ever. (My apologies if you absolutely adore Nick Cage…but if you do, PLEASE help me understand why.)

The most awkward part was, all my friends loved the movie, and my flawless 17-year intellect (i.e., peer pressure) told me I should pretend I loved it too. No sense in making the tribe angry. When I arrived home later that night, I climbed in my bed of shame and fell asleep. What’s worse is, that wasn’t the last time I invested lots of time and energy to do something that in the end wasn’t worth it.

In fact, to this day, from time to time I’ll still make stupid decisions, or invest time in activities that are pretty much a waste. And now, my kids are beginning to discover that they’ve been born with a magically perfect mind as well. It’s the circle of life.

I equate it to that moment at Chuck E. Cheese when you’ve spent hours playing ski ball, collected dozens of tickets (I was never very good at ski ball), and then realize all the prizes in the glass case you worked so hard to earn…are stupid and cheap.

But, all these moments I are stories that now begin, “Hey, remember that time when…”

Of course you’d never do that same thing again, but the failure didn’t destroy you. At least not forever.

These events texturize our lives and remind us that it’s ok to risk the the possibility of failure. Because even in failure we learn who to trust, and how to do things differently next time.

Frederick Buechner says, “Life is grace. Sleep is forgiveness. The night absolves. Darkness wipes the slate clean, not spotless to be sure, but clean enough for another day’s chalking.”

Not everything we chalk on the board of our lives will end up being a brilliant equation, but that’s why we can erase it and try again. In the background you might still see some of the old idea peeking through, but over top you have the opportunity to write a new one.

Some failures take longer to erase, and might even be painful to repair…but stick it out. Don’t quit. Don’t be so busy envying the joyful moments of others that you miss out on your own.

Revisit your failure every once in a while and see what you can learn. It might just change everything.

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“But [God] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” // 2 Corinthians 12.9-10

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How do you deal with failure?

Do you even give yourself a chance to fail?

The reality is…

The reality is…some days are not that great.

The reality is…things don’t always turn out the way we hope or plan.

The reality is…sometimes I’m a disaster as a dad and husband.

The reality is…sometimes my kids act like I’ve never taught them anything.

The reality is…life can be utterly overwhelming.

The reality is…some days we just have to trust and keep going, even when the way ahead is too dark to see.

As the poet King David wrote, “If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night, even the darkness is not dark to you [God]; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.” // Psalm 139.11-12

When you can’t see…there’s grace to lean on the One who can.

Why should anyone ever have kids?!

Someone asked me the other day why anyone should have kids…especially since it can be so difficult, painful, and challenging.

They asked me this question on a particularly difficult day as a father. Ten different kinds of off-spring related disasters happened. We have five…almost six children (yes…we’re crazy…and any other adjective you can think of to describe us), and on this particular day my wife and I had just had enough. It doesn’t matter how much of a genius you may be at parenting (and trust me…while I may be an expert and MAKING children, I have miles to go in cultivating them), sometimes everything just falls apart.

Disrespect, disobedience, cranky attitudes, spills, messes, injuries…and a litany of questions numbering somewhere between a mountain and incessant.

This was a Murphey’s Law day from start to finish. And I had just had it. Finally, I just said, “What the heck is wrong with our kids?!”

It prompted me to post this on Twitter and Facebook:

“Real talk: parenthood just might be the most painfully challenging job on the planet. It can only be by grace any of us make it.”

It got lots of reaction, mostly from parents who identified with the statement, but then someone asked me on Twitter: “Can you explain why someone would want to get into that?” That’s like asking someone who just had six teeth pulled without pain meds what they think of a dentist.

Fortunately, before I answered, I paused. Of course I love my children. They’re each so unique, passionate, creative, and thrilled with so many simplicities I became numb to years ago. My frustration mostly comes from the expectation that they already understand all the things I want them to…and their frustration comes because they don’t

They’re broken…just like me.

Still discovering…

Still exploring…

Still embracing wonder…

Obviously each family has to develop its specific culture, but it’s so easy to mistake pure curiosity with a breach of Chambers family culture. My friend Paul shared a quote with me…neither of us could ever figure out where it came from…but it goes like this:

“Grace isn’t a tightrope, it’s an open field where you run until you find the fences.”

When I finally got around to answering the “Why should ANYONE ever have kids?!” question, several things occurred to me. I can’t experience grace, hope, love, or joy unless their opposites also exist. I know what love is because I have also been hated. I know what healing is because I’ve been hurt. I know what grace is because I’m a sinner.

Parenthood is a gift because we have 24/7 miniature reminders to constantly pour out our very best. We don’t always pour out our best (in fact, sometimes I’m haunted with the idea that the reason my kids may react a certain way is because they learned it from me), but again…that’s why grace exists.

For us…and for them.

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Do have children? What is a lesson you’ve learned along the journey?

For my 31st birthday, here’s a 31 word blog

People’s deathbed laments never include wishing they’d been angrier in life, but that they’d been more loving, forgiving, and graceful.

Let’s just live that way now, instead of regretting it later.

This post isn’t about Jason Russell, it’s about grace

Public displays of brokenness aren’t ever pretty.

Or purposeful.

And sometimes they’re even unavoidable as millions witnessed and then discussed in the “Jason Russell street corner event.”

Sadly, though, the aftermath was completely predictable, and can be summarized into three steps:

1. His defenders fiercely defended…

2. His detractors megaphoned in multiple rounds of “See, we told you so!!11!!!11!1!!”

3. An elite club of self-appointed devil’s advocates was quickly developed and dispersed to the masses.

A viral dose of hashtags that marked various positions were used…from the arrogant…to the grief-stricken…to the elated…to the sorely disappointed. One of my personal favorites is the oft-used #hatersgonnahate. Indeed they will, citizen, indeed they will.

Unfortunately, most of us take turns on the “hater” merry-go-round depending on whose public display of brokenness is being broadcast at the time.

But for those us who are born of and marked by grace, we can’t live by that story line any longer. We can’t only support unlimited grace, patience and love for those whose bandwagons we ride, then shun the ones we don’t.

Because grace has no interest in sides, situations or statistics, it’s the rescuing breath of sinners.

In fact, Jesus gave a stinging talk on this very subject. Here’s what He had to say:

“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same…But love your enemies…Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.” (Luke 6:32-36)

I’ve often said grace doesn’t mean we get everything we want, but it frees us to give everything we have. It’s a gift, not a stipulation.

Of course we should publicly and fervently speak grace to the ones we love and support, but we should also do the same for those we deem undeserving.

After all, it’s the undeserving who need it the most. And that includes you and me.

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“You don’t think your way into a new kind of living. You live your way into a new kind of thinking.”  // Henri Nouwen

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PS: my organization needs to raise $3,000 to finish a well for Kituntu Village in Central Uganda. Can you help us do that? If you want specifics on how the funds are spent, email me personally: matt@iamsafeworld.org. If you want to give, click here: http://bit.ly/safeworld. Thank you! – Matt